Always Smooth

So cheap beer is a beast all its own. The taste: anywhere from watery to bitter, tangy to tainted. Cheap beer comes in all shapes, sizes, packages, and shelf-lives. Some try to position their product as dirt cheap and plain, while others try to pass off as the cheaper version of nice beers. Some are filling, some have horrible aftertastes, some are actually pretty good. Probably the reason we at hellacollege love cheap beer so much is because its what we've been drinking since we got the nerves to ask the random dude outside rite-aid to get us some booze in high school.

I will say for one, the reason love cheap beer is NOT because the marketing. Yesterday I got a 30-bomb (rack, case, boat, what have you) of Keystone light and i noticed something weird about the case insert. It's part of a marketing campaign called, "Always Smooth" They put a slogan in the middle of the case explaining a sort of unsmooth situation. It then says, "Key Light, always smooth. Even when you're not". At first we laughed...

"Bagged a six-point buck. (With your bumper)." Oh haha yeah reeeealll smooth.

Wait... is that talking about driving in the alcohol box?

It took me 10 beers to be able to pull this out of the box. Kinda like the toy half way through the cereal. Are they describing a drunken driving mishap involving some beautiful wildlife? Whatttt the effffff. This is messed up. I looked further into the campaign online and found some more slogans.

SHE CALLED YOU AT HOME (YOUR MOTHER ANSWERED)

If that isn't encouraging underage drinking I don't know what is.

GOT OUT OF A TICKET (BY CRYING)

Being a drunk emotional asshole getting out of a DUI. Way to go key light

GOT TO WORK EARLY (ON A HOLIDAY)

Real alcoholics here. Drunk at work.

HELD OPEN THE DOOR (INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC)

At least this douche bag never made it into traffic. If he's that drunk imagine what damage he could have done with his Chevy Silverado.

THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE (ON YOUR DRIVING EXAM)

Now thats just dumb. Underage drinking and drunk driving.

MET A GIRL ONLINE (HE'S THIRTY-SEVEN)

Hella homophobic and heteronormative and ish. WTF. This also implies the reader is drinking at home, alone, scouring the internet. CMON!

WENT HUNTING (BAGGED A DECOY)

Now guns and alcohol have to be the worst idea ever.

Anyway. I like cheap beer. I drink key light, but come on. This has to be the worst campaign ever for a beer company. Seems funny at first. Definitely is not. Stop encouraging underage, alcoholic, irresponsible beer. Start positioning your product as the beer thats cheap as dirt, gets ya drunk, and goes down well for binge drinking games. I'll be graduating in a year with a marketing degree. Feel free to hire me.

Hella College.