You're Hella College If...

With the creation of this blog, many have asked, "what does it mean to be hella college?" We at hella college found it very important to formally pronounce just what our sick and sadly unoccupied minds mean when we say that you are hella college, or that you just performed an act that is hella college.

Before I begin to define this term and it's orgins, I find it important (and slightly humorus) to tell you what, contrary to belief, it isn't.

Hella college is NOT:

Getting over a 4.0 gpa: that's just being too productive--what are you, a student?

Having a "social" drink: that just doesn't make sense. here at hella college, we drink to make excused social mistakes--like that amazon woman that you sadly admitted to enjoying, that ear drum busting karaoke experience, that beer you dumped on that cute-yet-amazingly-sleazy-freshman girl, or even that time you cussed out the house christian--for shits and giggles.

Studying: That's for well prepared people--SO unhella college.

Clean jokes: LAME.

PG-13 comedies: We just turned 18! we want to celebrate our newly acquired right to view the poetic licenses of like-minded innocent perverts! if it doesn't involve a crude breast joke, a poorly misplaced nice ass, or a plot line that depends on drinking the most beer, I'm going to laugh at it.

Honestly taking a test: ....enough said

Anything that involves, or relates to, the terms: punctual, responsible, safe, wise, healthy, planned, on-time, controlled, neat, integritive or cucumbers.

If it's productive and not ironic, it's usually not hella college.

"But m. professor-of-hella-collegeology! what is hella college?" you might ask, "and what does it mean to be not just college--but hella college?"

Well, student of hella collegism, The term hella college was coined by myself and comrades when we noticed several brilliantly stupid events, that can only be witnessed in a college environment. We decided, subconsciously, that we wanted to craft a phrase that captures the irony of a situation within the term itself: combining Hella ( meaning"of vast abundance" in idiot language), and college (being the land of "great minds and higher learning"), shows the clear and intentional, internal juxposition.

Hella college is being stupid in a wise way, or wise in a stupid way.

Here, I've conjured a few demostrations of being hella college here to clarify, and to put in action, the definition I just crafted...

You are hella college, or are in the act of being hella college if:

• you eat mac n' cheese...from the same pot you cooked it in.

• when you tell your parents that you're a buisness major, that's code for, "I have no clue what the hell I want to do."

• you have more top ramen packets than realistic aspirations.

• you can live a whole month--off of 25 dollars worth of food.

• you actively manage your beer budget.

• have 18 credits--and 12 of them are P.E classes.

• You took that 6 A.M yoga class not for the great strech or relaxation, but because you heard the instructor had a nice, tight set of buns that you'd love to see in the "downward dog"

• dissolving a multi-vitamin tablet into a bowl of chilli is your version of a well balenced meal.

• Both your mom--and your favorite porn star--are in your Myspace top 8.

• Your pedantic nature, combined with your vivacious immaturity, can turn the topic of favorite comic book charater, into a formal debate with guest speakers, opening and closing statements, and impractcal statistics that your useless mind retains...

"superman is fair superior to wolverine on the basis that he represented, metaporically, the era of economic prosperity, social identity crisis, and Roosevelts welfare reform, while wolverine, according to 90 percent of the population, is considered to be, "a rude and crude punk."

• Your next meal is dependent upon the next dumb bet you make: "I'll bet you five dollars that lloyd will say something about his girlfriend when he gives his speech."

• You go to Disneyland on your birthday for the free admission...but forget to bring money for rides; so you spend your birthday in Disneyland taking pictures with Mickey Mouse, and shining your laser pen on peoples faces.

• Healthy study habits of yours include "weapons of mass distraction" (study with that sorority girl with the huge breasts) "operation academic watergate" (bum off of your friends notes) and, in the case that you actually need to be, or at least seem to be knowledgeable for a test, you break out the ultimate tool: "operation I-dont-have-A.D.D-but-I'm-gonna-pop-hella-Adderall and-study-till-my-ass-chaps."

• And lastly, you're hella college if you place the terms hella, triflin', Samuel L. Jackson, Unforgivable and RUUUUBIEZ into the most cherished vaults of your vocabulary.

These, ladies and gentlemen, are the essentials of living the "hella college" lifestyle. We uphold these demonstrations as exerpts from the lives of every "hella collage" being of our nation. Our 4 values: thriftyness, fibbing, exaggerating and psuedo-intellect, drive us into a future of underemployment, economic struggle, and continual resume' reform. We believe in Hella College as a shrine of sarcasm and intellecual irony--sadly, we are your future.

Now that you know what it means to be Hella College, feel free to add in your own "You're hella college if lists"(ex: you're hella college if your computer's soul function is porn sites and google searches) via comments...good contributions will be added to a later blog on "what readers think it means to be hella college."

Oh yeah...I almost forgot...HELLA COLLEGE!