So over the past couple years of college, I started noticing that what people drink says a whole lot about them. Check it:
Keystone Light- Your dad drinks coors, its what you started sneaking from the fridge in high-school. You're paying for college with loans and a crappy job
Pabst Blue Ribbon- You're either from the northwest, new jersey, you're a hipster, or you're underage and gave 10 bucks to someone who identifys as any of the previous groups.
Olde English 800- You're from the suburbs but you listen to NWA, you've probably made 3 or 4 joke rap songs. You drank PBR, but it wasn't as ironic as Brass Monkey
Random Microbrew- You're nervous in social situations and think having a unique beer is a good way for people to notice you and start a conversation about how "hoppy" the aftertaste is.
Busch Light- "You eat what you drink" -R. Lake (directed at freshman girls)
Captain Morgan- You have an older brother who has a DUI
Barbarosa- You can't afford Captain Morgan
HRD- You generally punch 3 holes in drywall every time you party
HRD (Popov works too) poured into an empty Skyy Bottle- Your name is Joey Beach and you're trying to impress freshmen ladies.
So its getting late and I have some Red Stripe to drink (what does that say?). Hope midterms went well for yall.
PS comment and leave some of your own gross generalizations about drinks and people!
Stay triflin' yall
Hella College
PPS. Here's a song you might like...
This is one of the funniest posts I've read. But don't forget:
ReplyDeleteIf you drink Miller anything - you like trendy and innovative beer commercials.
And if you drink Coronas you can't drink Tequila too.
And if you drink Coronitas, you're just an asshole.
if you drink sparks, you're excited for your highschool diploma, or you read hipster runoff
ReplyDeleteCaptain Morgan: For stupid bitches and guys who want to fuck stupid bitches. Proven fact at parties.
ReplyDeleteIf you drink nothing: you're either
ReplyDeleteA)the Designated Driver
B)On "ooh-easy-ass-drunk-freshman-girls-mode"
C)recovering from all the fun you didn't remember last night
or D) A stubborn little punk named Tyree, that couldn't be forced to drink a brew if you told him it would cure racial inequality. So just pass that sucka a Dr.Pepper, and watch him nag about being around the same drunken dumb-asses that he joins in tomfullery every damn weekend, in hopes for something diffferent...
fuck your couch tyree, have a beer!
ReplyDelete(and stop hittin on freshman hoes)
what if you drink fifths and half gallons of tanqueray?
ReplyDelete